


Harmony

by Minky-way (Cardgamesonmotorcycles)



Category: DRAMAtical Murder - All Media Types
Genre: Acne scars, Amputee, M/M, Physical Disability, Port wine Stain, Self Harm Scars, Wheelchairs, acne, birthmark, dog attack, facial scarring, hearing loss, mentioned animal abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-14 22:31:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7193555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cardgamesonmotorcycles/pseuds/Minky-way
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the DMMd boys have disabilities or other physical conditions, and nobody really gives a fuck</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disability (Wheelchair)

**Author's Note:**

> In which pavements are awful, Aoba is far too protective and all Sei wanted was some ice-cream

**Part one- In which strangers are kind**

At first when he saw him he wasn’t sure what to do, because asking if he needed help implied he didn’t think he could do things for himself, which wasn’t true, but then to assume he was okay and walk past might seem callous if he was struggling. He debated with himself only for a couple of moments, noticing the other shivering and making a decision, because he had to be stuck, why else would he be sat in the middle of the street by himself?

“Hey, um, not to be presumptuous or anything, but are you okay?”

“Well, not really, the pavements here are terrible, I’m a bit stuck,” he sounded a little sheepish, and Mizuki thought it was rather an obvious statement, because he’d tripped more than once on an uneven paving slab or stepped off a pavement only for it to be abnormally high and almost send him toppling. Navigating them in a wheelchair was not something he’d much enjoy doing.

“Thought as much, you need a hand?”

“Well I’d prefer some legs, but yeah, a hand works.”

He wasn’t sure if he was meant to laugh at that but he did anyway, a half-hearted sort of chuckle because for all he knew the boy was 100% serious and he’d just basically laughed at his self-pity and his apparent disability. “Where are you trying to get to?”

“Well I wanted to go to the convenience store on the next street, I know they have a ramp, I didn’t really think much about actually getting there. But… I think I just wanna go home now.”

“Okay, so where’s home?”

“Just off Aoyagi street, in the Old Residential District, it’s only like ten minutes away, on foot anyway.”

“You didn’t get far then,” he remarked, feeling only a little awkward as he stepped forwards, looking over the smaller front wheels and noticing one of them had fallen into a hole in the pavement, almost the perfect size for it. That explained the reason he was slightly lopsided in the chair then, knowing he wouldn’t really be able to help without lifting him out, listening for his response as he bent down a little at his side, knowing he was being watched as he gripped the chair and easily lifted him out.

“Not really, oh, I feel stupid, I knew it was a bad idea… Just, my brother’s always saying I need to try and get out more and do things for myself,” he looked horribly guilty as Mizuki got behind him, focusing on pushing him in the direction of home, having noticed already how sore and red his hands looked where they’d spun the wheels.

“Hm, is it a new thing then? The chair?”

“Oh no, I’ve been in one most of my life, I just usually go places with people, I think he got a bit sick of having to go everywhere with me.”

“How come he didn’t come with you tonight?”

“He’s at work and my Grandma was out, I messaged him telling him I was stuck but he won’t be done for another hour.”

“That sucks, so how long were you just sat there?”

“Nearly half an hour.”

“Seriously? But it’s kinda cold out, didn’t you have anybody else who could get you?”

“Yeah, I guess I put it off a bit, I sort of thought I could work it out myself, didn’t go so well.” Mizuki smiled then, huffing out an amused breath and wondering if he’d been scared, stuck there in a fairly quiet street and with night slowly setting in, cold and basically unable to get anywhere “Oh, it’s this way.”

He steered him right accordingly, and they fell quiet for a couple of streets, the boy just pointing him in the right direction and checking his coil once, reading a new message and not bothering to respond, just tucking his hands into his hoodie pockets and trying to hide a shiver.

 

“Oh, I just realised I never asked, what’s your name?”

“Sei.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Mizuki,” he paused then, actually stopping and Sei looking up at him with a little confusion, bartender turning to work out where they were and tilting his head to the side. “You know, if you live where I think you do there’s a convenience store like a street away, its 24 hour too.”

“Really? I live on Hanabira street.”

“Yeah, it’s on the next street, it’s really new though, only opened a couple weeks back. I’ll show you if you want? I think you’d be able to get there easy.”

“Does it have a ramp?”

“Nah, doesn’t need one, no steps.”

“Oh,” it was obvious he was surprised, maybe a little pleased, and he knew he wanted to know where it was even before he responded. “Well, I mean if you don’t mind. It feels a little unfair for me to take up this much of your time.”

“I don’t mind at all, what’s unfair is that you can’t even go to the store by yourself without getting stuck on crappy pavements.”

“Well I guess I’m-“ But then his coil rang and he answered it, shrill, alarmed voice coming out of the speaker and Sei actively flinching even as Mizuki did his best to pretend like he wasn’t listening to every word, not that he had much choice.

**“Sei! Where are you? Are you still stuck? I can’t believe you went out without me, and at night! What if something had happened? Haga-san says I can leave work to get you, where are you?”**

“Aoba, relax, I’m fine.”

**“Are you home?”**

“No-“

**“Then you’re not fine! You must be so cold, your doctor’s going to go crazy!”**

“Aoba shut up! I said I’m fine, somebody’s helping me.”

**“Huh?”**

“My wheel got stuck in a crack but somebody came by and lifted me out, he’s taking me home, I’m fine.”

**“Sei! What if he’s a creep?”**

“Aoba, I’m pretty sure he’s not a creep,” he paused then, ignoring his brothers alarmed squarking and turning apologetically to regard Mizuki who had one amused eyebrow raised, not sure he appreciated his character being questioned. “You’re not a creep, are you?”

“I’m going to say no.”

“He’s fine, Aoba, I’m fine. He just saw me stuck and offered to help, I’ll be home really soon, okay?”

**“If you’re sure.”**

“Positive, look, I’ll ring you the minute I get in, alright?”

**“Video call me so I can see you’re okay.”**

“Yeah, whatever you want, okay? Now go back to work.”

 **“Mm, and you! Lay a hand on my brother and I’ll kill you!”** With that he hung up, and under his mixture of indignation and amusement he could see Sei actually hunch into himself, seemingly mortified at his brothers ending statement, voice endlessly apologetic and nibbling his lip nervously when he turned to see him.

“Sorry about him, he’s really protective of me, he wouldn’t actually kill you.”

“I did assume that, but hey, this is your street, right?”

“Yeah, that’s my house there,” he pointed it out and they rolled right past, Sei not too alarmed by that given Mizuki’s promise to show him the 24 hour store, knowing they’d be coming back soon enough anyway and certain he wasn’t creepy at all, in fact he seemed genuinely nice.

“Alright cool, the stores just around... Here!” They turned the corner, and there it was, glowing with bright light and as promised, without a step in sight, large glass sliding doors right at street level and the pavements all the way there completely without bump or crack, perfect for him to manoeuvre by himself. “Pretty cool right? And I know you said you just wanted to go home, but I’m pretty sure that was a lie and you really want to buy delicious snacks or whatever.”

“How perceptive,” he smiled then, because the only reason he’d said he didn’t want to go to the store anymore was because he hadn’t wanted to inconvenience his helper, also he felt so defeated he just wanted to crawl into bed and pretend he was just like everybody else. “But I can take it from here, thanks.”

“Sure thing. Not to be creepy but I do want to buy stuff so I’m not just following you.”

“Right, good to know,” he grinned then, rather glad to be back in control of his own chair, not that he minded being pushed much, but sometimes he felt like he was just being shoved around wherever and his wishes weren’t being taken into account. Also now he could be beside him as they walked into the store, both of them going in different directions at the entrance, Sei almost sure Mizuki would insist on making sure he got home okay, he seemed like that kind of guy and he was just glad somebody so nice had helped him.

He knew exactly where he was going, heading straight to the freezers at the back, locating the ice-cream flavour he wanted, then sighing because there was no way he could reach it without standing up, which he of course couldn’t do. He had two options, ask the staff for help and deal with their awkwardness towards him, leave without it and deal with two disappointments in the same day or-

“Sei? Why are you glaring at that freezer?”

“Oh, I can’t reach what I want,” he explained, not even surprised when Mizuki stepped neatly in front of him as he wheeled back, opening it and waiting for instruction. “The chunky monkey, on the top shelf.”

He plucked it out easily and Sei took it with a quiet thank you, rest of the visit passing smoothly, paying easily and glad the counters here weren’t so stupidly high as they were in some places, exiting with Mizuki behind him, having purchased his own items at the other till. He waited for him to speak, to come up with some excuse to see him home, and had to hide a smile when he immediately did exactly as he expected.

“I’m heading this way anyway, may as well make sure you get in okay so your brother doesn’t try to skin me or something.”

“Oh yes, he’s a big fan of skinning,” Mizuki laughed at that, his bag rustling in his hand and Sei’s ice-cream cold on his lap, at his street in mere minutes and Sei feeling significantly better than he had when he’d first been discovered, glad things had worked out okay. They paused outside the front, Sei turning so he could see Mizuki properly, “thank you, Mizuki, it was really nice of you to help me.”

“Sure thing, I just hope it doesn’t happen again,” Sei looked a little confused then and Mizuki clarified, smiling lazily. “You getting stuck, not me helping.”

“Oh, right yes me too. But thank you.”

“Mm-hm, anytime, have a good night, Sei.” He grinned then, clapping a hand on his shoulder in a friendly manner and waving as he strode off and Sei wheeled up the ramp, reaching into his pocket for his key and just looking forward to getting in, putting on a movie and eating his entire tub of ice-cream.

He’d just put his key in the lock when the door burst open so violently he almost fell out of his chair, key yanked out of his hand and blinking in alarm as Aoba’s worried face met his and he just knew he was going to freak out.

“Sei! I was so worried about you! I ran here from work what took you so long? Are you alright? You’re icy cold!”

“Aoba- I-“ But then his brother shoved his head past him and out of the door, all but shoving his crotch into his face as he leaned right over him, something that had always bugged Sei a hell of a lot, stranger or not.

“Is that the guy?”

“Yeah,” he answered a little reluctantly, because the second Mizuki had heard his brother yelling he’d broken into rather an awkward jog, presumably trying to escape before he got grilled again but face to face this time.

“Was he creepy?”

“Not even a little bit.”

“Oh good,” then he’d shoved his face out the front door and was yelling before Sei could do more than hide his head in his hands, utterly mortified at how dumb his brother was, wishing he’d warned him beforehand how late it was and that it was really no time for yelling. “THANK YOU!”

There was the briefest pause in which Sei could almost feel the annoyance of his neighbours, then Mizuki yelled back and he snorted, “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

 

* * *

 

**Part two- In which friends know when you're lying**

Then they finally arrived, Aoba having taken over for the last stretch where the pavement got a little bumpier, Sei very grateful for it as his arms were starting to hurt, having not really been such a long distance before. But finally the restaurant came into sight and his heart dropped into his shoes, knowing that he was going to spoil everything and deciding to feign indifference even as he felt so disappointed he could almost cry. “Oh, it’s got stairs. We should go somewhere else.”

“Sei, we came here especially for our birthday, Noiz has had it booked for weeks.”

“Yes but I can’t get in, what do you want me to do? Drag myself along with my arms?”

“Of course not! Just- Ugh, this is such _bullshit,”_ he sounded genuinely angry and Sei blinked in surprise, placing his hand on his arm, trying to soothe him and voice calming, noticing Ren and Noiz watching them curiously, waiting to see what they would decide.

“It’s fine, we can go somewhere else.”

“But you’ve been looking forward to it for weeks!”

“I know, look, I’m sorry okay? Why don’t you just go? I don’t mind just going home.”

This was when Noiz moved, Koujaku having approached while they were talking, greeting hand lowering as he took in the situation and frowned at the stairs that led to the restaurant as if they had personally offended him. Sei didn’t even have time to register what he was doing before Noiz was right in his space, putting a hand on his shoulder he assumed was meant to be comforting, “sorry about this, Sei.”

But then suddenly he’d picked him up and he yelped in alarm, clinging onto his neck and not sure whether to glare at him or not, just noticing how gentle his grip was, as if he was afraid he might hurt him. “Noiz! Wha-“

He entirely ignored his questioning speech, just turning to the others, “Ren, can you get his chair?”

“Understood,” he just nodded, and Sei watched with wide, surprised eyes as he and Koujaku picked it up neatly between them, Noiz forging a path up the stairs and Aoba jogging ahead to hold the door open for them.

So that was how they filed in, the woman at the entrance looking alarmed for a moment, at least until she saw the wheelchair and went a little pale, Sei glancing up at Noiz to see he was all but glaring at her, as if it was her who hadn’t installed a ramp.

“Table for five, name’s Seregaki.”

So he let Noiz carry him to the table, glad the place was mostly empty and the majority of nosey diners turning away with ashamed cheeks as Ren wheeled the chair along behind them, their odd party being seated and the waitress removing one of the seats so he could be carefully put back into his wheelchair.

“Noiz, what was that?”

“Now we can all eat here,” he answered shortly, but the annoyance in his face was clear and Sei felt a little damp eyed, Koujaku beaming as if it had been his idea and Ren doing that odd habit of squirming when he was happy. Aoba just squeezed his hand under the table, examining the menu and remarking excitedly how nice everything sounded, Sei thoroughly happy to just be there since he’d never have managed it by himself, there was one slight issue though.

“Next time you want to carry me somewhere please ask instead of just manhandling me.”

“Right. Sorry,” he looked mildly guilty, and Sei supposed he now felt terrible for having just carted him around like he didn’t have his own issues with that, cheeks turning pink when he just shifted a little so he could kiss one.

“Thank you though,” then Aoba made a joke about Sei stealing his boyfriend, and Koujaku responded saying nobody would want to do that, and things were back to normal, and if the waitress was a little too nice and brought them complimentary sake, they pretended they didn’t notice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story- My mother was in a wheelchair for a long time, and pavements really are atrocious


	2. Port wine stain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which groups of girls are intimidating, cinema snacks are too expensive and retail work has some perks

**Part one- In which two wrongs do make a right**

“What’s wrong with his face?”

“I dunno, it’s weird though.”

“Who, who?”

“Over there, with the black hair.”

“Ohh, pity, he’d be cute without it.”

“Kimiko-chan, that’s so mean!”

Then they laughed, all of them, the whole group and Sei wanted to die, shrinking into his hoodie and tilting his face down, hoping his eye and cheek would be hidden, shame flooding him and eyes growing hot with tears, wishing he’d never come. In fact if it wasn’t for the fact that he could see Sly approaching him he’d probably just have left then messaged him and told him he was sick, he felt like everybody was staring at him now, the freak with the weird face.

“Yo, let me guess, I’m late?”

He didn’t respond and Sly looked confused as he refused to look up and meet his greeting, glancing around the room and seeing the group of girls staring in their direction, looking intimidated by him, something he was used to.

“Oi, what’s up?”

“I want to go home.”

“Why? Has somebody said something?” His voice had gotten a little hard and he didn’t like it when Sei flinched away as if it was him he was angry at, knowing his friend was timid at best but now it seemed hugely exaggerated and something had to have happened.

“They’re laughing, I know it’s about me, I heard them,” his voice was so low Sly had to lean in close to hear, eyes hardening and turning glassier than ice as he moved back, turning to the girls who were now pretending to be busy on their coils, giggling over some article or other.

“The girls?” He just nodded, sniffing, and Sly certain he was on the verge of tears, refusing to let anybody upset his friend, he hated it when he cried and not only because he never knew how to deal with it, rolling up his sleeves and stalking over to the bitches before Sei could stop him.

“Oi!” They jerked up like rabbits in the headlights, looking suitably alarmed as he glared at them. “You got something to say about my friend?”

“N-no.”

“Oh really? He seems to think you have an issue with him.”

“Not an issue, just… His face is kinda weird.” That was ironic given that the girl it came from had some of the hugest nostrils he’d ever seen in his life, actually remarkably distracted by them for a moment, at least until her friend spoke.

“Yeah, he’s got that ugly mark,” oh yeah, they were definitely stupid, because who would be dumb enough to call somebodies friend ugly in front of them? Honestly, were they expecting him to agree? Feeling himself swelling with anger because how dare they chat shit about Sei without even knowing him, just because of a mark on his face he was born with and couldn’t help.

“It’s called a port wine stain you ignorant little bitch, and I think it’s fucking beautiful, okay? So why don’t you shut the fuck up and put some more foundation on, I don’t think you’re quite orange enough.”

Her noise was the most idiotic thing he’d ever heard, a feigned insulted scoff, sounding so self-righteous and fake, as if she hadn’t been the one being mean in the first place, and besides, Sly’s insult had been about something she could change, it would be easy enough to scrape off a couple layers of foundation. But Sei’s port wine stain? He couldn’t help that, he’d tried covering it with makeup before and it had never really worked, and he didn’t have the money for laser treatment, not that Sly thought he needed it anyway.

“Got anything else to say?”

The others just shook their heads, eyeing their ringleader as if they suddenly didn’t want to be anywhere near her which would be entirely understandable, Sly just sending them one last glare and walking back over to where Sei stared at him with wide eyes and pale cheeks.

“Sly! Why did you do that?”

“Because they were chatting shit about you,” it seemed obvious enough, shrugging as if it was obvious even as Sei’s cheeks flushed pink, looking over to the girls who were scowling in their directions, Sly grabbing his sleeve and dragging him away from them, towards the cinema. “It’s not like it’s your fault you’ve got that mark, and it’s not ugly.”

“You said it’s beautiful.”

“I just said that to make them shut the fuck up.”

“You think I’m beautiful,” he was teasing a little now, just glad to be away from the girls who had made him feel so terrible, nobody else batting an eyelid as they walked through the fairly busy mall, smiling shyly.

“Shut up, we’re gunna miss the movie,” he’d been joking, but Sly’s ears were bright red and in an attempt to drag him along he’d grabbed onto his hand, lacing their fingers together and hurrying like he couldn’t wait to get into the movie and sit in silence so Sei couldn’t embarrass him anymore.

“You’re holding my hand.”

“I said shut up!” Sei knew when to drop things, so he did, just smiling quietly as they paid for tickets and Sly muttered quietly that his pockets were already filled with snacks, both of them agreeing cinema prices were outrageous. Filing into the movie and sitting at the very back in the corner, getting the entire row to themselves and eating almost a whole bag of jelly worms before the trailers were even over.

 

But then they were walking home and the conversation about the movie had run dry, just walking along the quiet streets in silence, nearly midnight now and growing a little cold, Sly hesitating before speaking. “You, um, didn’t believe what those girls were saying, right?”

“Mm, I dunno, maybe a bit,” he shrugged, not commenting on the fact that they were holding hands again, it seemed pointless since he didn’t much mind, and he knew questioning Sly’s occasional acts of affection was a sure-fire way of making them stop abruptly.

“Cause, I mean, they’re wrong. It’s not weird, or ugly or whatever.”

“What are you saying?” He knew already, but he wanted him to say it again, to hear it one more time, each repeating of it making him feel a little more comfortable in his own skin, and Sly’s willingness to ignore his discomfort to reassure him was really endearing.

“You know what I’m saying! You’re pretty, asshole,” his tone was reluctant and he was staring off at the road ahead, pretending like he wasn’t holding his hand or walking close to him, like he was just making a throwaway comment.

“You can be quite sweet when you want to.”

“I take it back, you’re a troll.”

 

But then they got to his house where Sly was dropping him off and he felt better than he had all night, not hiding his face now, hair tucked behind his ear and almost showing it off, because he knew Sly liked him regardless of how unusual it was.

“Thanks for sticking up for me, Sly.”

“No big deal, I’ll beat somebody up for you any day,” Sei was about to comment that that really wouldn’t be necessary, but Sly had moved forwards and pressed his lips against the mark on his cheek, looking away after and wiping his nose as if nothing had happened. Shoving his hands into his pocket and pretending his cheeks weren’t bright pink in the light of the streetlamp, “see ya.”

 

* * *

 

**Part two- In which adults are dumber than children**

It wasn’t the best job, but he guessed it could be worse, luckily the shop was fancy enough that most people just smiled politely at him and pretended not to be staring at his cheek and eye, it was rare somebody would say something and even when they did it was usually some odd compliment he accepted then discarded the moment they were gone.

But of course he had his bad days where any remark would make him want to die, finishing scanning through the shopping of a man with a smaller girl, presumably his daughter, aged about thirteen probably, maybe a little older. They were bagging up their goods when the father spoke, presumably thinking he’d lowered his voice enough that Sei couldn’t hear, which was ridiculous because he was less than a step away, feeling his shoulders tense up self-consciously instantly.

“Do you know what that mark on his face is called?”

She actually looked somewhat offended on Sei’s behalf, looking disapprovingly at her father before continuing to bag up their groceries, commenting perfectly calmly, “nope, it’s pretty though.”

That hadn’t been what he’d expected and it was obvious, pausing with a carton of eggs in his hand and blinking at her, smiling a second later and placing a bag over his arm, “yeah, it is.”

They had left quietly enough, thanking him politely and walking off with their goods in tow, but it had stuck with Sei for some reason, and even when somebody came to his till right before closing time and spent the whole ten minutes staring at him, he couldn’t bring himself to be bothered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story, my dad did the exact same thing to me as that man did in the second part (idiot), except i didn't say anything and he just told me what it was, i wish now i'd said i thought it was pretty, because i did


	3. Self-harm scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it's too hot for this bullshit, staring is rude and sometimes ignoring a problem is the best thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the chapter title suggests this is about self-harm scars, there's no mention of actual cutting, just fairly vague descriptions of old cuts/scars, but read with caution anyway!

**Part one- In which similarities are nice**

“What the fuck are you looking at?”

“Well you’re the only one here.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to stare,” he spat, just glaring as Noiz rolled his eyes, not even a little bothered by his threatening glare, fully aware he was mostly all bark and no bite, and considering Noiz was letting him crash at his rent free, and feeding him, he knew he wouldn’t do anything to risk getting thrown out.

“What happened to your arm?”

“I cut it.”

“Hm, makes sense.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Not much,” he just went back to his game, Sly’s arms were none of his business, not to mention that provided he didn’t die or bleed out in his bathroom, he really wasn’t worried about his apparent bad habits, it wasn’t like he only had the one after all.

“What about you, German, I’ve never seen your arms. You hiding something?”

“Same as you are,” he replied calmly, because he wasn’t ashamed of the marks on his arms, or of the matching ones on his thighs and stomach, they were a part of him as much as his piercings were, and most were old enough to have faded to white by now. What he didn’t expect though was for Sly to suddenly grab his arm and yank his sleeve up, just fixing him with a mildly disgruntled expression, mainly because now he’d lost his game.

“The same as me? Dude it looks like you tried to cut your fucking arm off!” Noiz frowned then, genuinely, because he’d never thought they were that bad, but with Sly’s own arm in such close proximity he could see the difference in marks. Sly’s might be redder and obviously newer, but Noiz’s were wider and longer and there were more of them, skin bumpy with them, feeling almost self-conscious, something he wasn’t used to and didn’t like.

He seemed to realise a moment later, releasing his arm and letting him pull it back into his body, yanking the sleeve of his hoodie back down and restarting the level on his game, cursing the progress Sly had just made him lose, other flopping onto the floor on his back, right where he could just see him and endlessly distracting.

“So how come you did it?”

“Same reasons as you, probably.”

“Hm, self-hatred, abandonment and anger?” He didn’t respond, just tilted and pretended he didn’t feel a little unnerved at how easily he’d said that, how open he was with his emotions, to him at least. “Say, your parents fucked you over too, right?”

His fingers faltered on the joystick and his character was immediately shot down, turning round to focus on the other boy who just stared at him with those horribly blank yellow eyes, as if he hadn’t just asked something kinda personal, insensitive, Noiz licking his lips. “I guess, what about you?”

“Left me when I was like… Five? Don’t remember ‘em much. Anyway, now you’re paying me attention, you wanna see the cuts on my legs? I carved the word worthless a few weeks back,” he sounded bizarrely enthusiastic, almost excited, proud of what he’d done, reaching for his belt already and not waiting for agreement.

“You’re so fucked up,” Sly’s expression faltered for a second, as if it was judgement he hadn’t expected, but Noiz realised fast that he’d opened up now and while he wasn’t sure why or if he appreciated it, he got that it was nice to be understood, so he just nodded at the hands on his belt and his smile was too pleased for the context.

“It’s fine though, you’re fucked up too.”

 

* * *

 

**Part two- In which methods to help differ**

He didn’t say anything, but Sly knew he was looking, pretending not to like a nice, polite brother, but his amber eyes were flickering to his arms every now and again, running over the marks there, worrying his lip and unsure whether to speak.

“Say it already before you explode,” he’d spoken a bit more abruptly than he meant to, turning to see his twin blinking in confusion, probably unaware his staring had been really obvious, maybe even thinking he’d been stealthy about his nosiness.

“You- um,” he paused to clear his throat then and Sly grew impatient, rolling his eyes and reaching for a fresh cigarette, lighting it and waiting for his twin to get over himself and speak. “You can buy this oil stuff that’s meant to reduce scars, I could get you some, if you wanted.”

“I put them there deliberately, why would I want to get rid of them?”

“I-“ It was obvious he hadn’t expected him to say that, stammering to a halt awkwardly and just nodding slowly, retracting his offer and not sure where to go from there, glad when Sly spoke even if he had changed the topic of conversation.

“Mizuki’s coming over by the way.”

“Oh right, thanks for asking.”  
“You’re welcome, and you’re buying us all pizza.”

“How generous of me,” he muttered darkly, but he didn’t really mind, Sly’s friends were few and far between, and while he supposed Noiz would be counted as one, he had the feeling their relationship was a little more co-dependent than a normal friendship was.

 

“Yo, Aoba, I assume Sly told you I was coming over?”

“About five minutes ago.”

“Yeah sounds like him,” he grinned, clapping Aoba on the back in apology and following him into the living room where Sly lounged over the entire couch, only moving when Mizuki kicked him in the side. “Oi, what did I tell you about being nice to your brother?”

“Lots of things, I don’t listen though,” he shrugged and that should have been expected, finally moving his legs only to fling them over the tattooists lap, olive eyes just regarding him in silent displeasure before he surrendered himself to his fate and recommended they all play Mario Kart until Sly got too aggressive, as he always did.

 

“You guys hungry? I was gunna order the pizza,” Mizuki nodded then, lowering his controller and shoving his hand into Sly’s face as he bragged about winning the race, muffling his words with his palm.

“D’you wanna pay and I’ll transfer you half or the other way round?” Aoba was about to speak when Sly did, face unoccupied now and smiling thinly.

“I think Aoba should just pay.”

Mizuki hit him then, half-heartedly admittedly, but he pretended to be hurt, pouting and rubbing the spot on his arm with a feigned frown, “you should chip in too asshole.”

“Shut up, you know I’m poor.”

“Yeah, cause you’re unemployable.”

“Not my fault people discriminate against me.”

“Bullshit they do,” he was going to continue, to say he was rude and obnoxious and that anybody with a brain would discriminate against him, but then he noticed the blue packet in Sly’s hand and his eyes narrowed. “Hey, those better not be my cigarettes.”

“They might be,” he grinned, lighting one and holding the box above his head as Mizuki attempted to wrestle them back, Aoba re-entering the room to see them brawling on his couch and just leaving again, rolling his eyes and deciding to order for them, Mizuki could just owe him, things were easier that way.

“Give them back you little shit!” He could still hear them arguing and fighting from the next room, hearing the unfamiliar peal of Sly’s laughter and glad somebody could make him happy even if only for a little while, feeling a pang of jealousy that person wasn’t him but pushing it away.

Then he’d ordered and walked back in and stopped in surprise, not at the proximity of them, because he knew they were prone to childish play fighting and flirted constantly, but at the fact that Mizuki had grabbed his arm without even thinking about it. His tanned hand was wrapped around one, the other trying to grab his cigarettes back, not bothered by the scars he held in his grip or the fact that the might be hurting him somehow. Aoba didn’t know why he found it odd, maybe because he’d never dream of touching Sly’s scars, it would seem intrusive, not to mention that he’d feel uncomfortable doing it, he didn’t even like seeing them, but Mizuki just pretended like they weren’t there.

He wondered if Sly preferred it, having somebody who didn’t care about the marks, and wondered a second later if it made him a bad person that he did, not realising they’d stopped fighting and were just staring at him until Sly spoke.

“Something wrong?”

“No, nothing, I um, ordered, it’s on the way.” Mizuki used the distraction to grab his cigarettes back, Sly’s lunge for him doing little but twisting his arm unpleasantly, giving up a second later and just rubbing his arm with a frown.

“No wonder you got hurt, you’ve got arms like noodles,” he’d taken one arm then, watching it flop around in the air as he shook it half-heartedly, bare skin clearly marked even from where Aoba sat on the opposite side of the room.

“Oh fuck off, not all of us can be hunks of muscle like you,” Mizuki’s smile had gotten wider and Aoba was just waiting for them to burst into their weird flirting again, just wondering why he had to have such a weird brother and why he had to be party to this.

“Oh, so you think I’m a hunk of muscle, hm?”

“You two really need to fuck already,” he hadn’t entirely meant to say it out loud, or so bluntly anyway, but Sly always avoided questions about what was going on with him and Mizuki, and he’d never thought to ask the bartender, he guessed it wasn’t really his business.

Sly just grinned, cat like, flopping over Mizuki’s lap and looking far too happy with himself and with Aoba’s bright red cheeks when he spoke, “bit too late for that.”

 

“Mizuki, I- Don’t Sly’s arms freak you out?”

“Hm?” He’d paused on the door step, about to leave and goodbyes already said when Aoba spoke up suddenly, turning with the plastic tub of pizza in his hand and frowning for a moment, glancing past him and presumably reassured Sly couldn’t hear. “You mean the scars? Hm, not really, he doesn’t like talking about them, so I just pretend they’re not there.”

“I- I don’t get how you can, I mean… They’re so ugly.”

“You think? I mean, I guess, I don’t think they’re so bad. I ask him about new ones but he doesn’t do it very often anymore, I just don’t see why he should feel ashamed of them.” He shrugged then, smiling lazily like this was an easy conversation, like it wasn’t an issue Aoba felt should be dealt with. “I think he kinda likes them, not in a weird way, just that they remind him things are better now. Plus, you know he doesn’t like people worrying about him.”

“Mm.”

“Don’t think about it too much, they’re a thing of the past, okay?”

“Yeah, so, does he talk to you about it, when you ask?”

“Sometimes, but sometimes he doesn’t want to. If you asked he’d probably tell you, just don’t make it seem like you’re telling him off,” he smiled again then, warmer, knowing Aoba was worried about Sly and recognising the feeling himself, knowing how easy it was to go about these things wrong and make it worse. “Things are going good for him now, he’ll be fine.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Mizuki.” It still made him a little sad that Mizuki knew Sly better than he did, but it made sense that he wouldn’t want to share everything with his brother, and perhaps the way he went about things wasn’t good.

“Sure thing, see you.”

“Bye.”

 

“What in the fuck are you doing?” He’d stiffened immediately, arms locked at his sides and Aoba knew if he could see his face he’d look baffled and a little horrified at the sudden, unexpected contact.

“Hugging you.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to.” He paused then, biting his lip and sighing because despite what Mizuki said, the marks on Sly’s arms made his heart ache and he wanted proof he didn’t feel the same now as he had when he’d made them. “You’re happy, right?”

“I’d be happier if you’d get off me,” Aoba did as he was told and Sly shot him a look that was a little less scathing than it could have been, frowning at him and looking remarkably out of his element, a little vulnerable. He just sighed at Aoba’s downtrodden expression, ruffling his hair too hard and voice cold, “Is- Is this about my arms?”

“I hadn’t seen them before.”

Sly looked uncomfortable, but not horribly so, glancing down at them, turning them so he could see the backs as well as his softer, inner wrist skin, examining the marks that ran up to his elbows in messy stripes. “It’s too hot for a hoodie I didn’t think they’d bother you.”

“Of course they do,” he frowned then, because he didn’t want to make Sly feel guilty, surprised enough to squeak when he rolled his eyes and he was pulled into a rough hug, a little too firm but nice none the less because Sly almost never hugged him, accepting it easily.

“They’re old, and I’m happy, idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story- Bio oil (the stuff Aoba is talking about) is amazing for reducing scars, if not a little expensive


	4. Facial scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which parks are scary, long sleeves are a blessing and Sei is long-suffering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mentions of a past dog attack as well as slight mentions of animal abuse (by unnamed persons), please read with caution!

**Part one- In which it really isn't that big a deal**

They’d been talking online for a really long time, so when they finally met up it was like they’d always known each other, Noiz’s easy, lazy way of speaking filling up all Aoba’s nervous pauses where he ran out of things to say. So they watched the movie at the open air cinema and ate too many snacks, then Noiz proposed going for pizza and Aoba was hardly going to object to that, just trying to hide his mouth as much as he could while they ate.

Noiz didn’t comment, and Aoba just waved goodbye from his house, watching him walk away and relaxing back against the door, sighing as he finally pulled his shirt down from over his mouth, aware his excuse of being cold was a poor one for his bad behaviour.

 

So they met up again, a few times, sometimes to do things and sometimes just to chill out at Aoba’s house or a nearby park, then Noiz’s smile started getting warmer and he started to walk closer to him, then he started to hold his hand and hug him goodbye and all Aoba could do was feel warm and push his worries to the back of his mind. Sure, they’d seen each other before in their profile pictures, but Noiz was a lot cuter in real life than he had been in his grainy, badly lit picture, and Aoba felt somewhat flattered to be the centre of his attention.

But then something happened while they were out one day and he thought he’d finally have to ruin everything, because they’d been walking through the park, on the way home actually, and a dog without a lead cam running towards them and Aoba froze. Noiz didn’t notice and kept walking, hand being jerked back suddenly and the grip on it tightening as the canine grew closer, pulling the German to himself and swallowing thickly.

“What’s up?” He just followed the amber gaze over to the dog, which was admittedly pretty big, tongue lolling out, and to Noiz’s eyes, just having a good time, adding two and two together. “You don’t like dogs?”

“Not the biggest fan.”

“Hm, come on, it’ll be fine, I promise,” it was obvious his promises meant approximately nothing to Aoba who clung to his side like he was a lifeboat as they continued on, looking over his shoulder constantly as the dog ran to get a ball. But then they were out of the park and he’d relaxed a little, vice-like grip on his hand and bicep weakening and exhaling shakily as they carried on, Noiz saying nothing, just rubbing the back of his hand with a thumb.

 

**‘Wanna go on a date tomorrow?’**

_‘Sure’_

**‘Awesome, pick you up at six?’**

_‘See you then :D’_

 

This was the first time they’d gone out and clarified first that it was a date, but with how close they’d gotten lately it was obvious they’d been working up to it and Aoba was bizarrely not worried as he got ready, Sei watching from his bed and pretending not to notice his strange outfit choices.

“Aoba.”

“Mm?”

“Why don’t you just wear that shirt? The blue one.”

He regarded it then, holding it up against himself in the long mirror, shrugging and putting it back immediately, nervousness approaching now because what the hell was he meant to wear? “I dunno, isn’t it too fancy?”

“Well where are you going?”

“A restaurant I think, but he said it wasn’t like, super nice so I didn’t have to dress up or anything.”

Sei stood up then, nudging him aside and surveying his wardrobe, full of fashion disasters, but now wasn’t the time to address that, neatly pulling out a pair of black skinny jeans and handing them over, “wear these, they actually fit you. Where’s that nice jumper with the shoulder things?” He pushed t-shirts in a myriad of neon colours and obscene patterns aside, finally finding it at the back with the plainer clothes he never wore, pulling out the dark blue, chunky knitted jumper, examining it for a moment and deciding the shoulder and elbow pads were both casual enough to wear on a date, and added more detail so he wouldn’t look boring. “Then just a t-shirt underneath, something fairly plain.”

“This?” He proffered one of his most boring t-shirts, in a soft shade of green, almost pastel, Sei nodding approvingly, before retreating back to his twins bed and beginning to root around in the box of shoes underneath it.

“Put it on, show me.”

He’d found the ideal footwear by the time he was done, turning to regard him and smiling because it was perfect, he looked like he’d made an effort but not too much, the blue was a few shades darker than his hair so it didn’t all merge into one and the jeans fitted him perfectly.

“Good, you comfortable?” He nodded, which was good because being uncomfortable physically on a date could often make you more nervous in general and he didn’t seem that way so far, offering up the shoes he was holding, a pair of black ankle boots and a more casual pair of converse sneakers. “Take your pick.”

“Boots, the converse rub.” He pulled them on and Sei climbed onto his bed, regarding him cross legged as he applied aftershave, not too much, and examined himself in the mirror, worrying his lip and hiding his mouth with his hand the way he always did, seeming a little happier afterwards.

“Aoba, you know he’ll have to see your mouth eventually, right? And it sounds to me like he already likes you a lot, why don’t you just tell him what happened?”

“I know, I’ll try, promise.”

“That’s all I wanted to hear, now go wait downstairs, he’ll be here soon,” he accepted his brothers goodbye hug, knowing it was to reassure him as much as to wish him good luck, walking into the hallway just as Noiz knocked at the door.

 

The place was nice, a little too nice for him to be entirely comfortable but he supposed it could be a lot worse, not sure about Noiz’s background but knowing he definitely came from money, paying their bill and ignoring his objections. They grabbed dessert on the way back, tubs of ice-cream with heaping’s of chocolate chips and chopped nuts, eating as they walked through the park again, lit up with strings of fairy lights left over from Christmas.

All in all, it was pretty perfect as far as a first date could be and Aoba was beginning to wonder if maybe Sei was right and he should just tell, or rather show, Noiz what had happened, having managed to keep his mouth covered almost the whole meal, albeit with a little difficulty and his elbow up on the table.

Then they stopped at his door, in the porch and his fingers raised to cover it again, hidden in his sleeve, a trait he’d been told was endearing before by people who didn’t know why he did it, suddenly feeling nervous as Noiz just tilted his head to the side.

“You know, I’m going to struggle to kiss you if you keep your mouth covered.” He’d always been blunt, but Aoba was actually a little surprised at just how blunt, blinking in surprise then realising Sei was right, it was now and he’d have to tell him. “Let me see.”

“I-“ He started, but Noiz’s hand was on his, peeling it away from his mouth and he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth instinctually, averting his gaze so he couldn’t see what the other was doing, just listening to him sigh quietly and feeling horribly exposed.

“What happened?”

He had to speak now, to release his lip, not meeting his eyes and wanting to cry because it was ugly and he was certain Noiz would think the same, “a dog attacked me, when I was twelve.”

“Is that why you’re scared of them?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm,” he didn’t say anything else, but he squeezed Aoba’s hand where it still lingered uselessly at his side, fighting the urge to cover his mouth again because he was so used to hiding it now that to not do it seemed wrong. “You know I already knew, right? It’s in one of your old profile pictures.”

“Oh,” he felt stupid now, for having hidden it, for having worried Noiz would see it and immediately be put off, would immediately not like him anymore, but he’d known all along and had liked him anyway. The scarring that passed through both lips, across his chin and up to his nose having ruined his face since it happened, having to deal with people staring and making comments, having to hide it all the time just to feel comfortable. The only people he never hid it around were Koujaku; his childhood friend, his Grandma, and Sei, who’d been there when it happened, had kicked the dog off and gotten a nasty bite on his leg for his troubles.

Noiz didn’t say anything else, he just pulled him in for their customary hug, Aoba more than happy to accept it because it meant he couldn’t keep staring at him for one thing, thinking absently that he’d quite like to kiss Noiz, not sure if he could sacrifice hiding for that.

“So can I kiss you?”

“Mm,” he nodded, sucking his lip into his mouth again and releasing it when Noiz frowned at him, poking at his cheek a little too hard, actually wincing away from the touch even as he rubbed the mark apologetically.

“No more hiding your mouth around me, okay?”

“Yeah, okay I won-“ And as he should have expected, Noiz didn’t wait for him to finish, kissing him already, deliberately made scars adorned with jewellery moving against ones that now hurt a little less.

 

* * *

 

**Part two- In which it's not as bad as you think**

“Meiko, I’ve told you before to put him on a lead! Look, he’s harassing that boy!” Finally, the sound of a saviour approached and he felt only mildly stupid as he cowered against the tree he was currently trapped against, ball of fluff and teeth far too close for him to be comfortable. “I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, I-I’m,” he stammered his words, heart beating a million miles an hour in his chest as the woman shot him a concerned look, her daughter running to meet her and drawing her into her side, frowning at her sternly. His eyes kept darting to the dog, who was on a lead now, but was still too close, tail thumping against the ground and tongue lolling out, Aoba just staring at it’s teeth nervously and feeling sick.

“Apologise, Meiko, I think he’s scared of dogs, you frightened him,” he’d probably feel embarrassed if it wasn’t for the fact that he was still trying to catch his breath, just regarding the child who was so near to the dog, almost the same heights, not understanding how her mother would let her be so close to it.

“He’s scared of dogs? Why?”

Why was probably obvious and he knew the woman had been staring at his mouth more than was normal, having been too focused on getting away from the dog than he had about hiding his scars, explaining with only a little stammering, “I- Got bitten by one, when I was little.”

“Is that why your face is like that?”

“Meiko!” Her mother hissed, looking an amazing combination of horrified, embarrassed and apologetic as her child just continued talking, clearly too young to understand making personal comments like that was considered rude.

“Why did it bite you?”

“Mm, I think it was sick,” he could still remember it now, the growling, the way it had barked at him so aggressively, how wild it’s eyes had been, mouth foaming and able to catch him even though it had been limping, he knew it had been put down afterwards and he’d been nothing but glad. But then he remembered the police telling him it had some kind of brain injury, like it had been kicked in the head, after that he’d felt a little worse, Sei having remarked quietly that he felt sorry for it, because it might not have bitten them if it had been treated better.

“Rabbit would never bite anybody, he’s a nice dog!” His tongue lolled out then as if he knew he’d been addressed, nudging his head into the girl who just giggled and patted his snout, Aoba half wanted to yank her away.

“Y-You named your dog, rabbit?”

“Mm-hm, you wanna stroke him? He’s real friendly!”

“Not really…”

“Meiko, come on, let’s go, leave him alone now,” she was tugging on her daughters arm but she refused to budge, frowning with that stubbornness only little girls could have, insistent for him to touch her dog, or maybe just to admit that it was a nice creature. Aoba had to admit that it seemed well behaved, the moment it was called off him it had left him alone, and had sat neatly on it’s haunches watching him, it hadn’t barked or growled once and was just happily looking around like the park was some kind of adventure.

“He, um- I don’t-“ What was annoying was that he almost wanted to stroke it, to not be scared anymore, but just the idea was making his hands shake, pulling back from the tree a little to stand normally, wiping sweat off his palms.

“He can shake your hand! Rabbit, shake!” The dogs paw raised into the air, proffered forwards and he almost laughed, just moving forwards and feeling his heart rate spike as he got close enough to be within biting range, Rabbit, and what a stupid name for a dog, just sat obediently, head cocked to one side as if curious.

It took two attempts, touching the soft fur of his paw and actually whimpering, Meiko beaming the whole time and her mother looking a mixture of impressed and uncertain as to whether this type of torture was helpful or just cruel. But then he managed, and there was a soft paw in his hand, claws tucked away and teeth nowhere in sight, dogs collar being gripped tightly so if anything happened he could be pulled away easily, managing something a little like a shake before he had to let go.

“Yay! Does this mean you’re not scared of dogs anymore?”

“Um, no, I’m just not scared of your dog. I think,” he was mildly baffled, because dogs were scary, and horrible and had sharp teeth and strong grips and sharp claws, but this one was sat there looking perfectly happy, long blonde coat gleaming and if a dog could smile it definitely was. “He’s um, cute, I guess.”

“Are you happy now? He likes Rabbit,” the girl nodded, smiling as if she’d just changed the world instead of made Aoba push past his terror to touch her dog for approximately six seconds. “Good, come on sweetie, we have to meet daddy. I’m sorry, I hope we didn’t traumatise you too much.”

“Mm, it’s okay,” and strangely, it was, watching the three of them walk away, Meiko sticking by Rabbit’s side and him calmly walking alongside her.

 

But the calm faded remarkably fast and he felt like he was going to throw up, scrambling for his coil and finding Sei’s number on the second frantic scroll through his contacts, breathing a little too fast even though now the threat was gone.

“Sei I just touched a dog!” The words spilled out so fast they almost tumbled over each other, more alarmed than proud or anything else, coil held tightly in his shaking hands and leaving the park too fast, feet tripping and stumbling.

“You… Touched a dog? But you’re terrified of dogs.”

“I know!”

“Are you okay? You sound a bit hysterical…”

“It was a _big_ dog.”

“Okay, so how was it?”

He paused to think then, because it had been scary he’d admit that, but as for touching the actual dog, only one thing came to mind, “Really soft.”

“Well that doesn’t sound too bad.”

“No, not too bad at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story- My University housemate of the past two years was bitten by a dog and has scars like Aoba's  
> True story 2- One of my mum's friends had an adorable Labradoodle called Pickle who got out and was kicked by some asshole, bit him (which is all he deserved) then had to be put down and thinking about it now still makes me angry


	5. Amputee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mizuki shops irresponsibly, Sei is a saint and long sleeves are pointless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pretty vague in this as to where Mizuki's arm has been amputated, but it's just above the elbow, so he still has his upper arm

**Part one- In which two hands are better than one, even if one isn't your own**

He knew Mizuki was having a horrible time, more horrible than he could ever imagine, the accident had been bad enough as it was, but now he kept discovering things he couldn’t do, he couldn’t bartend, he couldn’t tattoo or do piercings, he couldn’t even work out properly. All he could do was be there for him, but that wasn’t really enough, coming round to empty beer bottles everywhere and finding Mizuki staring at the left sleeve of his shirt where the material wasn’t filled out anymore.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were coming over.”

"Mm, Grandma made stew, she wanted you to have some.”

“Hm,” he just nodded, not thanking either of them, but Sei didn’t take it as rudeness, just walking into his kitchen with the container, putting it onto the surface and taking a deep breath because he didn’t know how to make things better for him.

“Hungry?” He called, sticking his head out of the kitchen door, chest suddenly twinging as the bartender swiped across his eyes, not knowing he was there watching, fingers pressing hard onto his left arm, onto the only part he had left.

“Bit,” his voice had been so hollow since it happened, and it made Sei feel sick, he’d been pushing people away and a lot of them had just let him, only Sei refused to just let him wallow, the Mizuki he knew didn’t do that, didn’t sulk and pout and refuse to eat. So he heated up two bowls of stew and carried them through, pretending he didn’t notice when Mizuki reached for it with his left arm and had to rapidly swap over, eyes pooling with tears again that he rapidly blinked away.

He just ate quietly, watching Mizuki shuffle awkwardly, bowl balanced in his lap and lifting his spoon all the way to his mouth, splashing sauce onto his shirt a couple of times and giving up before he finished half the bowl.

“I had a question, actually.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re still doing tattoos, right?”

The look he gave him was equal parts incredulous and hurt, eyes crinkling and the other regretting his question as he replied, tone cold and detached, “Sei, I have one arm, how am I meant to do tattoos?”

“Easily, you only really used one arm anyway, right? I bet you could still do it, and you were the best on the island.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Mizuki, look,” he was trying his best to be sensitive, but it had been over three months now since Mizuki’s arm had healed and he’d been officially discharged from the hospital, and he still hadn’t done anything to try and help himself. “I don’t know how horrible this must be, but you can’t let it ruin your entire life. You need to learn to work around it, I bet you could tattoo fine, it’d just take longer. You promised to do my first tattoo, remember? One arm or not, I’m holding you to that.”

“Sei, I’m not going to tattoo you now, It’ll be crap.”

“How do you know? You haven’t tried.”

“Can’t you just leave me alone?” He was getting angry now, that was another thing, mood swings his prescribed anti-depressants seemed to do nothing to cure, going from seemingly okay, to crying, to being angry within minutes sometimes.

“No, I’m not going to leave you to brood and get depressed and start drinking too much again, I want to help.” He paused then, because he almost thought he could see tears in Mizuki’s eyes and he really didn’t want him to feel worse than he already must. “At least draw up a design for me, please?”

“Fine, I mean… At least I didn’t lose my writing hand,” his smile was incredibly weak and he was blinking too much, eyes flooding hot as he wriggled the fingers on the other hand, seemingly marvelling that they were still there, maybe wishing he had a matching set the way he used to.

“Exactly.”

 

“Sei, I really don’t feel comfortable doing this, what if I fuck it up? This is forever.”

“I know it is, but I trust you, Mizuki. Remember what I said? All you did with your other hand before was wipe away the excess ink, all you have to do now is put down the gun to do it instead,” he reached across to take his hand, the right one, not like he had a choice, squeezing it soothingly and thumbing across his knuckles. “You can stop whenever you want, I trust you.”

“Okay, fine. Um, okay, I haven’t done this in so long,” he looked a little lost, then he seemed to get into the swing of it, applying the template to his skin and letting him check where it should go, Sei helping him get it stuck down right.

 

He was about halfway through, and it had definitely taken twice as long as normal, when Mizuki had to shift in the chair, leaning forwards to access his skin better, and his bare left arm coming to rest on Sei’s shoulder instinctively. He leapt away like he’d been bitten, face paling as Sei blinked at him in surprise, buzzing of the tattoo gun silenced now and Mizuki looking sick, suddenly gripping his left arm like it had betrayed him.

“Sorry- I just- Um.”

“Mizuki,” his voice was firm and the tattooist glanced up then, eyes wet again for the millionth time, but Sei could see the anger bubbling up underneath, wanting to reassure him before it came out and he was mad at himself all over again. “It’s fine, it’s just your arm, there’s nothing weird about it, okay? Now come on, you’re almost done and I wanna see it.”

“I- I mean, if you’re sure,” he wasn’t certain and it was obvious, having always regarded his stump as something disgusting even as Sei reassured him it was nothing of the sort, biting his lip and eyes drying up as he just smiled at him warmly, waiting for him to continue.

 

“I’m done.”

“Awesome, how’s it look?”

“It’s, um, it’s perfect,” he gave it a final wipe, then handed Sei the hand mirror, beginning to clean up and ignoring his friend, at least until he touched his arm gently, his left arm, flinching away instinctively but returning to his touch tentatively, meeting his eye.

“It’s beautiful, Mizuki, I knew you could do it,” of all the things he’d expected, a wide smile, maybe a laugh, he didn’t expect him to burst into tears, just watching him in alarm and wondering if he’d said something wrong at first, realising a moment later that they were happy tears, his smile small and fragile, but no less there.

He didn’t really know what to do, just standing up from the bench, legs a little stiff where they’d been still for so long, and wrapping him in his arms, tears wetting his shirt and his grip firm, hand clenched in his shirt.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” he kept whispering it against his neck, over and over, and, one arm or not, he still gave the best hugs.

 

“Sei! I didn’t know you had a tattoo!”

“Oh yeah, I only got it about a week ago,” he pulled his shirt down a little then so she could see it properly, in pride of place across one collar bone, though he already had plans to get it done across to the other side too, in fact he had the feeling tattoos were rather addictive.

She leaned in closer to see, something he’d gotten used to now and wasn’t bothered by because he loved the tattoo so much he wanted to show it off to everybody, “oh wow, it’s so nice, who did it?”

“Thanks, and it was Mizuki.”

She blinked at him then, expression saying she feared he’d gone a little mad, stammering the tiniest bit, obviously confused, “I- I thought he lost an arm in that accident?”

“Yeah, he did, he promised he’d do my first one though so I made him.” She was nodding but she looked uncertain now, as if knowing who had done it somehow made it less nice than she had said it was minutes ago, shrugging and explaining because he really wanted things to get back to normal for Mizuki. “It just took him longer than normal, he can still do them fine.”

“Huh, I’ve always wanted one of his, I thought after the accident I’d missed my chance,” she was chewing her lip, leaning in to look closer, examining the delicate curls and perfectly inked lines, pausing before she spoke. “D’you reckon he’d still do me one?”

“I think he’d love to, I really do.”

She definitely understood his tone, smile firming up into something certain, clapping a strong hand onto his shoulder and almost unbalancing him, “Okay, I might go see him now then, better late than never!”

 

“Sei, I’ve had four tattoo requests this week, what did you do?” This was his greeting upon arriving at Mizuki’s, holding their pizzas in his hand because he’d bumped into the delivery guy about a street back, and since he knew them he’d just handed them over with a grin.

“I didn’t _do_ anything, I just told people who did mine and that you were still working.”

“I never said I was still working, I just did yours beca-“

“You stop that,” he’d put the pizza down now, stepping inside and taking off his boots and jacket, pausing to jab an accusatory finger at him. “You _are_ working again and I know you want to, don’t bullshit me. Just tell people it’ll take longer and charge them the same as you would have before, you’ll be busy again in no time, I promise you.”

“You think?” He just watched nervously as he sat down on the couch, opening the box with his pizza and grabbing a hot slice, burning his fingertips but ignoring it, rolling his eyes as Mizuki joined him.

“I know, now stop acting like your life is over and eat your damn pizza,” his words were a little harsher than he meant them to be, but tough love seemed to work very well on Mizuki, just registering a set of toes worming under his thigh, regarding them absently.

“Sei.”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.”

 

* * *

 

**Part two- In which help comes from unexpected sources**

“Oh, Mink,” he blinked at him in surprise as he just silently picked up two of his bags, holding them like they weighed nothing and waiting for Mizuki to get the message he was going to help him carry them home, having to almost jog to keep up with his long strides. “Thanks, I, um, bought too much.”

He didn’t respond but he puffed on his pipe, pausing a second later to remove a packet of cigarettes, lighting one and offering it over, Mizuki sliding his bags up to the crook of his elbow so he could take it, thanking him again.

“I um, sometimes think I forget I don’t have two arms. I don’t know how I thought I was going to carry this,” those eyes were on him again, strangely calming for such a dangerous man, or one who used to be dangerous anyway, it seemed he had a softer side. “It uh, it’s hard to adjust, I guess.”

He nodded at this, turning with Mizuki into his street, luckily the convenience store he’d been in was only a short walk away, less than five minutes in fact, “Sei didn’t go with you?”

“No, he said I have to do some things by myself.”

“Good advice.” There was always something very wise about Mink, and Mizuki had almost no idea what it was, he just knew he kinda liked it, he seemed like he’d give great advice if it was on a topic he deemed worthy. A heavy moment of silence more, Mizuki adjusting the bags on his arm, having minor difficulty but managing it, aware of Mink watching him, maybe ready to step in if chaos was near. “You’re working again?”

“Mm, just tattooing for now, I don’t know about the bar yet, I might try working a quiet shift and see how it goes. Sei thinks I could do it with practice.” They were at his bar now, Mizuki ditching his cigarette butt to unlock the bottom gate and then the door leading upstairs, knowing the apartment door would already be unlocked. “I’d say I can take it from here but… I probably can’t.”

Mink just nodded again, following him up and lowering the bags into the hall, Mizuki hesitating as he seemed to have something else to say, waiting expectantly, “take a backpack next time. Are you getting a prosthetic?”

“I’m not sure, maybe.” There had been some talks of one, but he didn’t know he felt about having a lump of plastic and metal attached to him, he wanted to talk it through more with the doctors, and with Sei, since he gave great advice.

“You don’t need one, you can get used to what you have now if you try.”

“Mm, how do yo-“

“Guy on my team, motorcycle accident,” he spoke brusquely and Mizuki nodded, understanding now why Mink had been so utterly unfazed by the whole thing, even when he first saw the sewn up skin over his stump he hadn’t been bothered even as Aoba had cringed and tried to hide it.

“Oh. Well, thanks for helping me.” Mink nodded again, and turned to leave, smell of cinnamon following after him. “Mink! Um, what happened to the guy?”

“Got married, two kids, works as a receptionist,” he smiled then, sincere and warm, an expression Mizuki never saw much, sometimes it was directed onto his crafts, or plants, or onto Clear of whom he was particularly fond. “You’ll be okay.”

“Yeah, I think I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if somebody with only one hand could still do tattoos, most likely not, or not without an assistant anyway, if anybody knows otherwise, let me know!


	6. Acne Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things should always be waterproof, everybody has issues and ears burn

**Part one- In which sea water makes you float even if you'd rather drown**

“Why is there makeup in your bathroom? Or do you have a lady friend we don’t know about?” Koujaku was joking, elbowing him in the side as he resumed his seat next to him, their bickering a little friendlier than it had been when they first met, but Sei saw the flush of red across his cheeks as he muttered some response the hairdresser seemed satisfied with and the topic was dropped.

It was Sei who used the bathroom next, and even though he didn’t want to be nosy, he had to admit he was curious, because Noiz was, to his knowledge, gay, so Koujaku’s idea of him having a lady friend was unlikely, even more so was the idea that he’d have somebody who he’d be close enough to that he’d allow them to leave stuff at his. So he washed his hands and picked up the tube of creamy concealer Koujaku had presumably seen, examining the packing, it seemed relatively normal, said it was for oily skin prone to breakouts and was about half used, what it didn’t say, was if it was waterproof.

 

Two weeks later and Sei had forgotten the entire thing, excited about going to the beach, clutching his towel under one arm and the rest of the gang with bags of suntan lotion and their picnic supplies, excited and talking happily. They were all sweating by the time they reached the beach and most of them had removed their shirts by then, even Aoba with some reassurance from Sei that no, he did not have love handles, but Noiz’s stayed firmly on. But still, nothing there was odd, because Sei was insistent to not be seen topless in public so he was almost glad he wasn’t the only one in the group still covered up, asking Noiz if he was warm and sure the German was lying to him when he said no.

Then they were there and their stuff had been dumped on the almost empty stretch of yellow sand, splitting into two groups, half running into the sea immediately in swim shorts and bare feet, the other half setting out towels and lying down to sunbathe or just relax after the sweaty walk there.

Noiz stayed on the towels with Sei and Mink, who had been remarkably quiet the whole time, as he had a habit of being, the large man just lying down on a towel and seemingly taking a nap, or possibly just lying still as his pipe continued to smoke.

“You don’t want to go in the water?”

“Not really, I might after lunch,” Sei smiled, because sure the water looked inviting, but he’d feel a little bad leaving Noiz with Mink, even if their group all got along well now, most of them still felt awkward around him and he hardly helped conversation flow smoothly. “You not going to?”

“Nah,” that was the only answer he got, Noiz lying back a moment later, dabbing sweat off his face so gently it was rather odd, Sei swiping his own hand across his forehead roughly and glad he’d tied his hair back.

 

Then lunch was over and Aoba had warned them not to go into the sea for an hour in case of cramps, and there’d been a heated debate about the truth of that statement, Noiz had cleared that up with a google search though, remarking it was bullshit and Aoba looking very put out. So it was back into the water to escape the heat, sun even hotter now the middle of the day had come and it was at the highest point in the sky, glaring down at them and Sei covering himself in sun tan lotion to protect his pale skin.

“Noiz, can you get my back? I can’t reach.”

He just grunted in response, looking away from the coil he’d been on all day and finally putting it down even though Sei had been telling him to for what felt like hours now, rough hands coming to rub the lotion into his skin, asking for more and Sei handing it over.

“Thanks, but you should put some on too, the tops of your ears are all red, and the back of your neck is too,” he just nodded, taking the tube and messily covering the tips of his ears with way too much, Sei laughing and scooping the excess off because Noiz was like a child sometimes. “I’ll do your neck.”

He nodded again and Sei began doing exactly that, scolding him when he felt how hot his skin was, working it right into his hairline and down into the line of his shirt under the collar, in case it rode down or anything. Almost done when Noiz suddenly jerked away from him, not speaking but averting his eyes when Sei lowered his hands, confused as to what he’d done wrong, feeling a little bad even as he didn’t know what for.

“Are you okay? You’ve been being weird all day.”

“I’m fine, wanna go paddle?” He knew that was just a way to avoid the question and whatever issue he had, but he supposed he wouldn’t mind going to wet his feet, he might even go in, nodding and turning to invite Mink, other man shaking his head before he even spoke and gesturing for them to go without him.

 

He should really have known they wouldn’t be allowed to just paddle, but he didn’t much mind when his knee-deep state rapidly became being dunked underwater, Mizuki and Koujaku having grabbed him between them and dragged him into the deeper water. Noiz was left in the surf, sat quietly in the shallow water with his arms wrapped around his knees and Sei knew even before it happened that something was wrong with him.

But of course the others hadn’t noticed and thought it was just good fun when they grabbed the bucket they’d brought down with them, filled it with water, and poured it right over his head in one huge wave that soaked him instantly. They’d probably expected him to laugh, or maybe to be half-heartedly annoyed before giving in and joining them properly, none of them had expected him to sit there frozen for a second, then to stand and leave the shore as quickly as he could without actually jogging.

“Should we not have done that?” This was Aoba, looking confused more than worried, staring over to where the German sat, back beside Mink and with his face hidden, Sei able to see Mink’s mouth moving but not knowing what he was saying.

“I think something’s wrong with him, I’ll go check,” so it was out of the sea again and over to Noiz’s side, his head buried between his knees and only his short fringe showing, turning to Mink who just muttered something about teenagers and continued repacking his pipe.

“Noiz, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he was sulking, that much was clear, and he supposed he understood Mink’s lack of sympathy, but he guessed being the youngest in the group must be annoying sometimes, after all they’d all left their teenage years a while ago, they’d been through their various embarrassing life stages.

“You’re lying, at least look at me,” there was a brief pause before he did, and it was the marks left on his shorts he looked at first, frowning at them with eyebrows furrowed, then he saw Noiz’s face and it all made sense. His cheeks were mottled with what looked like old spots, still red and presumably healing, forehead and nose pitted with acne scars, making the skin texture uneven and bumpy. He looked ashamed more than embarrassed, not meeting his eye as he lifted up a towel to wipe the rest of the makeup and water away, marks he’d been hiding for months, maybe longer finally visible. “The makeup was yours, huh? That’s why you didn’t want to go in the water?”

“Yeah.”

“Hm, well did you bring it with you?” He just shook his head. “Then everybody’s going to see anyway, unless you go home, which I’m not letting you do.”

“They look gross, I don’t want them to see,” it was rare for Noiz to seem so insecure about something, almost oozing confidence, but now he’d curled into himself and Sei didn’t much like that, nudging him in the side and smiling.

“Come on, I’m pale as a ghost, Aoba apparently has love handles, Koujaku’s got all those scars, Ren does that butt wriggling thing he’s embarrassed about and Mizuki wishes he was paler, we’re all self-conscious about something.”

“None of that’s on your face though.”

“Koujaku’s scars are, and I’m pale all over, just like Mizuki’s tanned all over. Now stop being stupid and come have fun, nobody’s going to care.” He stood up then, offering a hand to him, seeing his eyes flicker to Mink and wondering if he’d offered him one of his rare smiles, because he sighed before he took the hand and stood, Sei beaming at him and cheeks pink. “You know, Aoba used to have horrible acne on his back, he’s even got some scars from it, and tea tree oil’s great.”

Noiz just looked at him, nodding and gripping his hand as Sei all but dragged him into the water, the others looking nervous as he approached, pausing in their games and Aoba, the ringleader in the ‘soak Noiz’, plan, moving forwards to apologise. They’d all noticed his face, of course they had, some of them looking a little surprised, but of course they didn’t mention it, just hoping he was okay and that they hadn’t actually fucked up.

“Um, sorry about before, we didn’t mean to-“ They were all pretty much in up to their necks now, making it far easier for Noiz to fill his mouth with sea water, sending it right into Aoba’s face in a thin stream that had him coughing and wincing away. “You asshole! I’m trying to apologise!”

Noiz just shrugged, gaining that teasing gleam to his eye, not managing to duck away from the wave of saltwater Aoba aimed his way, immediately starting an all-out war and Sei losing his helping halo as Koujaku’s wet hair all but whipped him in the face.

 

* * *

 

**Part two- In which compromises are made**

“Do you have to wear that stuff?”

“I only do it to piss you of, old man.”

“You brat. It makes you smell weird.” Noiz turned then, blobs of foundation on his face not yet blended in, holding the sponge in his right hand and regarding his boyfriend with a confused expression, smelling the tube absently, not sure it smelt of much at all. “Like chemicals, and we’re not even going anywhere, just leave it off for today.”

Noiz hesitated then, because he knew Koujaku always said he didn’t mind the marks, the healing spots or the new outbreaks, the oiliness of his skin and the fact he was always stupidly shiny, nodding slowly and lowering the makeup back into the bag he kept on his dresser. He just grabbed a face wipe, one of his special expensive ones that had promised to reduce his acne but had done nothing of the sort, and removed the makeup, he could easily afford more after all.

“Just for today.”

“Mm,” he nodded approvingly, Noiz returning to the bed the hairdresser had yet to leave, knowing before he did it what he planned to do, just trying not to squirm as he kissed one of his cheeks, hating that he did it even though they were so gross. “You know, it’ll probably go away soon, spots are a teenage thing.”

“Guess an old man like you wouldn’t know about them then.”

“Brat,” but it was affectionate and Noiz didn’t mind when Koujaku kissed his other cheek a minute later.


	7. Hearing Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which hand gestures aren't always rude, some people are unintentionally creepy and Aoba is just trying his best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for a prompt I got on tumblr asking me to do something on hearing loss, I don't know much about it but I tried my best so I hope this is okay!

**Part one- In which things need to be normal to be okay**

“Hey, Aoba, teach me how to sign old man.”  
“Noiz! No, that’s mean, now come on, show him what I taught you.”

“I don’t think he wants to see it, he looks like he’s going to cry,” he, for once, wasn’t being mean, Koujaku was staring between them with a blank expression, completely unable to hear them, or that was how Aoba assumed it worked anyway, maybe he could hear a little but extremely badly.

His hands raised the moment he realised he was right, his crimson eyes a little too watery, eyebrows crinkling in concentration as he watched Aoba signing at him, trying to remember what it all meant, recognising his name.

 _‘Koujaku, Koujaku, what’s-‘_ His hands lowered, face falling and clearly straining hard to recall something, failing and raising his hands to try and prompt muscle memory, frowning and raising a single finger, not sign language, just the universal gesture to give him a minute. “Paper, I’ll get paper, Noiz be fucking nice.”

 

Koujaku just blinked after him silently, lowering his head and not tilting it back up, not noticing the German reaching for his coil, voice the same as always even if he couldn’t hear it now, “thought Aoba was teaching you how to sign?”  
He had to hook a finger under his chin to make him look up, grip firm as he tilted the coil screen towards him, message neatly typed out and surprise, appreciation crossing his expression for the second before he read and snorted, ‘yeah, but I’m shit at it’

“Makes sense.”

Noiz just smiled then, but it had lost its bite and maybe it was little things like that which made the hairdresser so sad, not being able to have his usual snappy banter with people, missing the way they used to treat him, even Noiz admitting it was hard to act the way he used to around him.

“Just because I’m going deaf doesn’t mean you have to be nice to me.”

‘I know that, old man’

“Nobody does. Even Aoba’s being too nice,” something in his voice was hurt and it was a total contrast to the way he and Noiz usually spoke, German wondering why on earth he’d be the person Koujaku would open up to.

 

He was somehow Aoba’s lackey, he always managed to catch him in the street and something about his earnest smile and genuine concern for him always made him agree to whatever it was he wanted, which increasingly lately was to deliver something to Koujaku. It was bizarre to him why Koujaku going deaf would mean he needed a pot roast to be hand delivered, but he never questioned it and he enjoyed tormenting the other man enough to agree every time.

After the first time walking into his apartment, where he’d caught him by surprise and he’d ended up being threatened with scissors and almost giving the old man a heart attack, he’d come up with a novel idea to alert him to his presence that wasn’t just yelling and hoping he could hear a little that day. So he’d whip out a small pocket torch and flash the light a couple times, Koujaku seeing it and turning to investigate only for it to always be Noiz, offering whatever Aoba had asked him to deliver.

But he was so used to it by now that when he arrived with the doughnuts he’d been tasked with, Koujaku didn’t even turn when he saw the light, continuing to study the book he was reading, hands moving absently into letters and words Noiz didn’t understand yet.

“Come in, Noiz,” he did as he was told, mildly concerned at how easily they’d slipped into this routine, even more so at how easily they were still able to banter back and forth, often finding himself at home searching how to say one of his favourite insults in sign language. “Did Aoba get you to bring something again?”  
He didn’t turn to see him either gesture or to try and lip read his response, so Noiz assumed he could hear okay today, just speaking way louder than he normally would, almost shouting in fact, Koujaku just nodding in understanding and finally turning.

“Doughnuts, huh? She does realise that being a bit deaf doesn’t mean I can’t cook, right?”

“You can tell her that yourself,” once again with the shouting, but his forehead crinkled this time and he shrugged, having not caught it all, Noiz removing his coil from his pocket and neatly typing it out so he could read it.

“Hm, she is a little scary I suppose. But um, I know you normally leave pretty quickly, I wanted to ask you something.” Noiz didn’t respond but he cocked an eyebrow, encouraging Koujaku to continue silently, figuring he was probably getting pretty used to silence by now. “I- I have a hospital appointment tomorrow, to see how my hearing is, what’s going to happen with it. I asked Aoba to come but he’s at work.”  
“So, you want me to go with you?” That had to be what he meant, why else would he seem so uncomfortable, Noiz raising his voice to an almost yell to be certain he’d hear, thinking he must be nervous about it, and of course he would be, they might tell him he’d be fully deaf within a month.  
“I guess,” he shrugged then, glancing around nervously and chewing at his lip, cheeks a little pink and looking utterly unlike himself.

“Alright, what time at?”

He only looked surprised he’d agreed for a moment, then his face softened so much Noiz felt a little unnerved, shifting awkwardly as he told him and leaving the second he could, questioning all his recent acts of charity.

 

“I don’t understand what that means.”  
“Okay, so basically you aren’t going to go completely deaf, there’s been some significant hearing loss in both ears, but with a set of personal tailored hearing aids, we should be able to restore most of your hearing for you.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, we can book you in for your first appointment next week, but it might be a couple of months yet until you’re able to actually have them fitted and use them.”

“Well, that’s great! Thank you so much.”  
“My pleasure, so feel free to continue learning sign language if you like, it’s always a helpful skill to have, but it’s not really going to be necessary in the long run.”

“Okay, well thank you.”  
“Somebody will contact you about a fitting appointment in due course.” They left then, walking out of the clinical hospital and into the street beyond, walking along in silence, Noiz not sure why he’d been there since he was hardly the hand holding or comforting type.

“Good news, old man?”

“Really good news, oh wow, I’ll be able to hear the sound of hair being cut again!”  
“You’re really creepy sometimes.”

“Oh fuck off, brat.”

 

* * *

 

**Part two- In which sometimes its better just to ask**

“Koujaku-san.”

“Mm?” What Clear was doing there he honestly had no idea, but he supposed he didn’t mind the company, just allowing him to fall into step beside him, sure he could see overly large pink eyes staring at his bare ear and trying not to feel self-conscious.

“What’s that in your ear?”

“It’s er, a hearing aid.”

“Oh. What does it do?” Koujaku felt it was more than a little obvious what a hearing aid did, but Clear was often very childlike and he never minded indulging him, there was something about his innocence that he liked.

“Well my hearing was going, some days I couldn’t hear at all, but I wear these and it means I can hear like everybody else,” he explained it simply partly so as not to confuse him, and also because he didn’t really understand how they worked either.

“Waah! That’s so clever, Koujaku-san!” He looked so impressed he was a little unnerved, peering closer now as if he’d gotten permission, tilting his head a second later and voice smaller as he spoke. “Do they work if you’re completely deaf?”  
“I don’t think so, why?”

“My left ear is deaf, Aoba-san said it happened when I stabbed myself with that knife,” now Koujaku was definitely alarmed, glancing at Clear’s face and completely unable to see any mark that would imply he’d done something like that, just nodding as if he understood. “But I’m glad you can hear now!”

“Yeah, me too Clear, and at least you have one ear that works.”  
“It’s my favourite one.” That was cute, he thought to himself absently as he suddenly waved goodbye and disappeared off somewhere else, just walking through the streets to his home and considering that maybe he should stop focusing on the aesthetics of the aids and realise how lucky he was not to be completely deaf. Of all people to make him feel ungrateful, he never expected it to be Clear, lighting a cigarette and able to hear the paper burn down, meditating on good luck and deciding to ask Aoba exactly when Clear had stabbed himself the next time he saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story- One of my best friends has hearing aids and I both have no idea how they work, or how bad her hearing is without them


End file.
